"The First Year of Motherhood: Gratefully Blessed" - Kristina Martin

For three years, we prayed for a baby. We hoped, waited, cried, and kept trusting that if it was God’s will, He would bless us with a child in His perfect timing. There were so many months where the waiting felt heavy. It is hard to explain the ache of wanting something so deeply and not knowing when, or if, that prayer will be answered. But God knew. He saw every tear, heard every prayer, and was working even when we could not see it.

Then He gave us our girl. A week before we found out we were pregnant, my husband and I both had dreams about it. In mine, I was fully pregnant and feeling my first contraction. In his, he was watching himself in a hospital room holding his daughter. 

She is the biggest blessing of our lives. Every smile, every sleepy snuggle, every new little skill, every milestone, and even the ordinary moments feel like gifts. I still look at her sometimes and think, “We prayed for you for so long, and now you're here.” She is an answered prayer in the most real way. This first year of motherhood has been beautiful beyond words, but it has also been one of the most challenging seasons of my life. Both things can be true at the same time. It is sweet and exhausting. It is full of joy and also full of moments where I feel stretched thinner than I thought possible. There are nights of sleep disruption, sickness, teething, dishes waiting in the sink, and days when I feel like I have given everything I have before noon. Motherhood has shown me how much I need God.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

That verse has taken on a whole new meaning for me this year. Motherhood makes it very clear that I cannot lean on myself. I do not have enough strength, patience, wisdom, or energy to carry all of it on my own. When I try to do everything in my own strength, I become overwhelmed quickly. I overthink. I worry. I feel like I am failing. But when I stop and remember that God never asked me to carry motherhood without Him, everything shifts. He faithfully provides what I need for each day, always. Not always for the whole week ahead. Not always in the way I expect. But He gives me grace for today. Strength for today. Patience for today. Wisdom for today. Sometimes He provides through a peaceful nap, a kind word, or a moment to breathe. Sometimes He simply gives me the strength to keep going when I feel like I have nothing left.

2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.”

I used to think being a good mom meant having everything planned and executed perfectly. I thought I needed to be patient all the time, keep the house in order, make the right decisions, stay calm, and somehow do it all without feeling overwhelmed. But this year has taught me that weakness is not me failing. It is often the place where God meets us. There are days when I feel strong and capable, and there are days when I pray for help before she has even had her first nap. There are moments when I know exactly what my daughter needs, and moments when I have no idea what to do next. In every part of it, God is faithful.

Matthew 11:28 says, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” 

Motherhood can feel heavy because the love is so big. The responsibility is so big. The desire to do everything right is so big. It is too much for us to carry alone. And I think that is the point. We were never meant to carry it alone. God did not bless us with our daughter and then leave us to figure everything out by ourselves. He is present in the middle of the stress, the worry, the tiredness, the joy, and the gratitude. He is there in the middle of the night when nobody else sees the work. He is there when I question myself. He is there when I feel guilty for not doing enough. He is there when I look at my baby and feel so thankful that my heart could burst. This first year has taught me that motherhood is not about proving how much I can handle. It is about learning to surrender. It is about admitting that I need God in every part of it. It is about trusting Him when I do not know what the next season will look like. It is easy to romanticize the idea of relying on God. It sounds comforting and beautiful to say that we are leaning on Him. But when you do not have much of a support system, relying on God stops being something you say because it sounds good. You don’t really have a choice. In order to make it through each day, you need Him.

That is part of why I struggled with what to write about. At first, it felt almost too simple or too “feel good” to say that God has carried me through this first year of motherhood. But the reality of it has not always felt simple or easy. It has been real, and at times it has been very hard. There is a difference between deciding that you want to teach yourself to rely on God and being placed in a season where you almost do not have the option not to. As difficult as that can be, I also believe there is a blessing hidden in it. You get to truly learn what it means to depend on Him. Because when you have a strong support system around you, it is natural to lean on those people. Even while telling yourself that you are leaning on God, you may still be relying heavily on the people around you to hold everything together. But when those supports are not there in the way you wish they were, you begin to understand that God is not just one part of your support system. He is the foundation underneath all of it. He is the One who meets you in the quiet, exhausting moments that no one else sees. He gives you the strength to get through another day when you know that strength did not come from you.

Our girl is a miracle and a blessing. We prayed for her for three years, and God answered in His timing. This year has been sweeter, harder, fuller, and more humbling than I could have imagined. And through all of it, one thing has become so clear: I cannot do this without Him. I do not want to try. He provides. He carries what is too heavy for me. He gives strength where mine ends. He is faithful in every season, and I am so grateful He chose me to be her mom.