"From Heartache to New Life" - Laura Martin
The phone rang.
A quick concerning “hello” answered.
“The numbers don’t look good, you are, indeed, losing this baby.”
Tears streamed down my face.
Our second miscarriage hadn’t begun in my outward body, but our baby was no longer alive in the womb. I’ll never forget the words my daughter gave after hanging up that call. “Mama, don’t cry, it’s snowing!”
Heartache after heartache and then complete devastation. I came to the place where it felt like there was no way this life could get better. The hope for joy to come was taken. BUT GOD...
Have you been there?
We each have a story. We each walk out life differently with challenges that come. Can you scroll through the highlights of your Bible and go back to the place you were in? Don’t get me wrong, I love a good foiled paged Bible, but I’m incredibly thankful I can go back to 2016-2019 and see what scriptures spoke to me in a season of loss, fear, and growth. And I can hear worship songs that I used as my weapon of praise without crying in anguish.
See, for the first time I read my Bible not just to learn but to have it be my lifeline. Not just to be encouraged but to see the God who is near to the broken hearted. I read it as my only source of hope in a time of uncertainty. I couldn’t breathe life into my 3 lost babies, but the Lord showed me what truly living in Him was like.
Here are some verses I clung to in the four years of wonder and growth:
Romans 8:18 “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”
Romans 12:12 “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”
1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”
1 Peter 5:10 “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”
Proverbs 3:24-26 “If you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Do not be afraid of sudden terror or of the ruin of the wicked, when it comes, for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.”
Job 10:12 “You have granted me life and steadfast love, and your care has preserved my spirit.”
Acts 4:12 “Salvation is found in no one else. For there is no other name under Heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.”
Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
Learning to have Father God be the Lord of my life is something I’d never trade. Would I have wanted to learn it differently, of course. But the heartache I endured was one I didn’t know I needed. God transformed my heart, my mind, and my understanding of who He is. My story has refreshed those feeling alone in their infertility or loss. My sorrow made me see the brokenhearted congregation in a different light. My testimony is all for His glory.
And quite honestly, some see me now with my rainbow baby (child after loss) thinking “oh she has the baby, she got what she wanted, she only sees this victory now.”
But here’s the truth, the victory was on the Cross of Calvary. The victory is in the resurrection of Jesus. The victory is not because of what I have on this Earth but what the Lord has already done for each and every one of us. Am I abundantly grateful for my rainbow baby? Without a doubt. Was the pregnancy and birth all sunshine and rainbows? No. He was born not breathing. And, man oh man, I had to trust God even in those moments right after giving birth. Because if that precious baby boy didn’t come home in my arms the Father is where I would have clung. He is the giver of life.