When You’re Feeling Lonely...
Have you ever felt deeply alone? Whether single or in a committed relationship, we all know the feeling of loneliness can creep into all seasons of life. Times when I’ve felt the lows of loneliness include; when I was in a long-term relationship and we didn’t see eye to eye on major things, when I walked through a difficult season of suffering where I didn’t feel like anyone fully understood what I was going through, during my time as a single person when friend after friend got married, and after some of my closest friends moved away and I had to start developing new relationships. Can you relate? Even in a room full of supportive and encouraging loved ones, a person can feel completely isolated when a hope deferred leaves our heart sick.
The deep aching sting of loneliness cannot be fixed by the following ways:
empowering yourself with self-care tips (maybe even investing in a weighted blanket) so that you can learn how to “truly love yourself"
for the independent woman to air her Valentine’s Day grievances with her girls and remind herself that she doesn’t need a man (#friesbeforeguys)
distracting yourself with busyness (working crazy hours or picking up more hobbies) or laziness (taking long depression naps or procrastinating)
for the single to join Christian Mingle with the belief that a relationship will automatically solve all of their problems
taking a break from comparing yourself to everyone else’s social media highlight reel and cutting back on watching all those romcoms while eating Ben & Jerry’s
The culture today might feed you any of the above self-centered, self-serving options and tell you that you alone are the answer to your happiness, that you alone can fix your loneliness. And maybe that last option of taking a break from sulking in your melancholy might help— but they still do not ultimately fix the inner longing that we might face. What will help is finding where our hope is actually being placed, realizing why it does not satisfy our loneliness and asking the Holy Spirit to help by applying the truth of God’s Word.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12 NIV
When my hope of fulfillment is placed in marriage, friendships, or even myself I will be let down, created things do a poor job of fully satisfying only what the Creator can. We were made for Jesus. To love Him and love others the way He first loved us. Our longings can only be truly satisfied in Christ. Although sometimes we might feel alone or long for Christ to return, we can depend upon Him now in the waiting and trust His Word. When you are feeling lonely I pray that these truths from His Word would comfort you as they have me.
Christ Pursued You First.
How beautiful is the Good News? As Apostle Paul reminds us “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” That’s right, before you were even able to take your first breath, He pursued you. He chose you and willingly died for you. And Christ did not die for you because He needed you or was depending on your love in return. Most relationships today give so that they can get and that is not the case for Christ, He loved and gave Himself unconditionally. He was fully aware of all of our faults, fully knowing that our hearts would choose other things besides Him, and He still loved us. Christ was faithful to us knowing that time and time again we would be unfaithful to Him. Oh how His kindness towards us should lead us to adoration, reverence and repentance!
in christ, you are never alone.
In Romans 8 we are encouraged to see that when we are in Christ, there is nothing that can separate us from His love, no one can take us from His hold, not even in death. Psalm 139:7-8 beautifully depicts the closeness of the Lord “Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!” No matter what we walk through, God is always near.
When we are so fixated on what we don’t have we can forget about what we have been blessed with. How precious is your relationship with Christ to you? I know I can go about life not truly treasuring this gift. When we are feeling lonely I pray that this pain would draw us to depend on Christ. That we would choose to worship and trust Him even when we don’t feel like it. That we would find comfort in the fact that in suffering we can rely on our wonderful Savior who understands us more than we understand ourself. A Savior who can resonate with our suffering and deeply cares. A Savior who will never leave us or forsake us.
christ will empower you.
When you are feeling lonely the Lord will empower you to walk through the season you find yourself in. We can trust that even in our weakness His strength will be glorified as we abide in Him and long for His Kingdom to be expanded through our lives. He will help us to love as He did; selflessly, sacrificially and not for anything in return. So when we have relationships, romantically or not, we will able to love from a position where we are not dependent upon how they treat us. Let us be reminded that isolation is dangerously unhealthy. It important to mutually depend on our Christian community so that we can point one another to Christ. Don’t wait to be served by others, take the first step and give yourself unconditionally to others as Christ has done for us.
I am thankful that in my times of feeling alone the Lord drew me to Himself. Through loneliness He has shown me that placing my hope in things that will fade will not bring me deep joy, that hope in an eternal savior is the only solid thing worth clinging to. That as I cling to Christ I can enjoy relationships and earthly things that won’t ultimately satisfy me but are meant to point me to His goodness. Let us rejoice in the Lord when our times of loneliness remind us that Christ will always be there to deeply satisfy our longings as we draw near and place our hope and trust in Him.